Raise your hand if you struggle with finding your worth in the approval of others or checking something off your to-do list. ???? Yep, that’s me.
And ever since we got married, I’ve been battling this ridiculous standard that I put on myself for what *I* think it means to be a good wife.
You know… I should have a healthy, delicious, gluten-free and cheap meal on the table every night at 6:00 on the dot. But what happens when we have photoshoots an hour away that start at 5:30?
I should make sure the house is always spotless, vacuumed, organized and welcoming. And looks like Joanna Gaines decorated it for me. But what about when we’ve been gone for a wedding for a few days, all our camera gear is charging on the floor, bags are everywhere, and I’m still living out of the duffel I packed for our one night away?
I should always have a fully stocked, color coordinated and adorably labeled pantry, a fridge filled with fresh groceries, and a meal planner filled out and displayed in my kitchen. But what happens when we were running a full-time business while we were still in college?
And don’t even get me started on the laundry. 😉
Here’s the thing: It’s really tempting for me to want to tell you that we have it all together when you look at the 9 little squares on my Insta profile or read our blog. Honestly, I want to do that… I want to portray the image that we can do it all and have it all. But we don’t, we can’t, and we want to be real with you here.
Because those standards I just described? They’ve become my downfall, and if you’re anything like me, they can become yours too.
A few months ago, Luke and I were driving and running errands. I looked at Luke after a particularly busy week and randomly said, “I feel like I am a terrible wife.” He looked startled and asked, “Why on earth would you think that?”
I responded, “Because I haven’t cooked a dinner in days, the house is a mess, the laundry’s not done, I need to grocery shop, we haven’t had a date night in a while…” and my voice trailed off.
Luke kept driving and stayed quiet for a minute. Then, he reached for my hand and said, “Babe, you’re an amazing best friend, and that’s what makes you a good wife… not all of those other things.”
He instantly moved on started talking about something else… while I sat there and teared up as his words began to sink into my heart. 🙂 I’m sure Luke doesn’t even remember saying what he said that day, but ever since that conversation, his encouraging words have been slowly pushing out the lies I was telling myself. To him, the definition of a “good wife” had nothing to do with our home, our meals, our decorations, or whether the chores were checked off my list. Those standards were in my own head, and they’d never even crossed his mind. All that he cared about was our relationship… and if that’s not the biggest DUH moment ever, I don’t know what is. 🙂
Wives, be a best friend. Clean your house and cook dinner sometimes, but let the laundry and dishes sit some days and hang out with your husband instead. That’s what they’re going to notice and remember, not if there’s no dust on your coffee table or if the closet is flawlessly organized. I do not have this balance figured out yet- nor do I intend to make it look like I do- but I’m trying to daily decide to let things go and focus on what really matters.
Husbands, remember that your words matter. You may never realize the way that God might use just one small piece of encouragement to impact your wife’s mind and heart, so look for little ways to build her up. It goes further than you might ever know.
Today, let’s remember that life is about a whole lot more than we think it is some days… and be encouraged to continually shift your focus to the things that TRULY matter in life. Live your life looking at things with a big picture perspective. And when you feel yourself drifting away from the truth of where you really should find your worth, be reminded that God cares more about WHO you are than the things you check off your to-do list. Don’t believe the lies that this is where your worth lies, friend… because it never did and never will.
